Does 1st Date Sex Spell Doom?
A question I wonder about more and more is whether or not first date sex really makes a terrible impression on the guy? I’ve found that I’ve gone on a number of first dates that have involved lots of alcohol which very often ends between the sheets. If I’m sleeping with a guy before I get to know him properly am I ruining my chances of a ‘happily-ever-after’ love affair? Sometimes I do feel used afterwards, even if the sex has been filled with passion and desire and although some have led on to short term relationships and not just one-night-stands, I still wonder if it’s a turn-off.
Agony-Aunt Replies:
All relationships have to start somewhere and if sex on a first date really precluded the possibility of a proper relationship then there would be far fewer marriages in this world. If you meet a guy you ticks all the right boxes, delaying intimacy is nothing more than calculated masochism. At the end of the day you are admitting to one another that you find each other attractive so one box has been ticked & although it may bring lots of other ‘worries & questions’ at least you can rest assured that your attraction has not been a problem.
While there is a lot to be said for building up the level of anticipation by waiting a while, physical intimacy and getting to know someone are not mutually exclusive. Pillow talk or an hour on MSN is often more revealing than banter exchanged over dinner and let’s face it, if you are going to have a relationship with a guy; you need to know that you are physically as well as mentally compatible. Forget this ‘no sex before marriage’ malarkey!
If you were male you would not worry about indulging your urges, but double standards mean that women who don’t want to be branded ‘easy’ feel they have to tip-toe through several dates before they give it up. This is the 21st century for goodness sake! The old adage that a man who ‘really respects you’ will wait is a load of old baloney. While a couple who get together in their pension drawing days may happily wait to get to know each other better, most testosterone fuelled 27-year-olds would not.
Try to keep things in perspective. You don’t feel lonely because you have had one-night stands - you feel lonely because you have not found your soul mate yet.
Don’t become fixed on looking for Mr. Right. As long as you stay relatively sober & safe (over 50% of women on a first date don’t use a condom) you can go about finding the right relationship for you in any way you damn well want.
Internet Dating is a fantastic way to do it because by the time you reach the official ‘First Date’ you already know each other pretty well through your various means of communication so if you do end up in bed together you have less to feel guilty about.
