Jackie Logan

So what do you think of Public Displays of Affection (PDAs)?

When you see a couple in a steamy public clinch does it make you feel warm and fuzzy or just plain furious?

To be honest it doesn’t bother me, I don’t understand the big deal. Couple’s in love want to express their love for one another and in this day and age I think it’s nice. Don’t get me wrong though, although a kiss and cuddle in the park makes me smile all dreamlike, I’m not saying that anything goes. I draw the line at open, indecent exposure or sexual acts in public, anything that goes beyond the realms of a standard game of tonsil hockey should remain strictly behind closed doors.

Just because a couple are canoodling in a shopping mall does not mean they are about to whip off their clothes, throw each other on the floor and put on a live sex show.

My opinion is that the media is jam-packed full of disturbing and depressing news stories designed to cast a shadow over our day. I think we should embrace PDA moments and be happy for the couple in love.

However, my friend Cat would disagree, she feels physically sick when she bears witness to a public display of affection and her blood boils when it turns into something more than a peck on the cheek. She positively fumes when the offenders are over the age of consent and I know she recently stormed up to a couple in their forties and really let them have it with her disaproval. I hate to point out the obvious but Cat is single and I’m quite sure if she was to fall head over heels in love tomorrow, her disgust for all things PDA may well be tested.

photo credit: benjamin_lebsanft

As I grew up I thought affairs were terrible and I had nothing but contempt for people who had affairs. Since growing up and experiencing a few relationships I guess I’ve become quite cynical but now I’m nowhere near as judgemental when it comes to affairs. I still like to think that I’d never personally cheat but I now truly believe there is always a reason behind the infidelity and it is very often a ‘weak’ way of getting out of a dead-beat relationship or a cry for help into fixing a flagging relationship.

My friend Maria recently told me she’s been having an affair for the past eight months and she believes it has been worth all the lies and deception. The guy is an ex of her sister’s so she’s known him a good few years and she told me they have a strong connection fuelled by passion. He makes her feel like she did in the beginning with her husband so in her eyes he is filling a void in her life that her husband no longer can. She still loves her husband and children so she intends to end the affair soon and she believes the happy memories will help reignite the passion in her relationship with her husband. I however am not so sure. I think she will find it pretty hard ending the affair and she could then go on to resent her husband for what he is not. She has also been talking about extending her family and after a bad bout of postnatal depression the last time, I think she’d be a prime candidate for an even worse case with baby number two. Not to mention the big question of ‘Who’s the daddy?’

Another friend has just made the bombshell discovery that her partner has been cheating and she is so devastated that I actually feared for her life. She is slowly getting stronger but the trust has gone completely although she desperately wants to piece her marriage back together she has become a shadow of the woman I once knew and her self-esteem is in smithereens. I’ve advised her to take a holiday and some time out for herself but with four kids and a business she doesn’t have the time or the energy to even think about washing her hair, nevermind taking a full on break from the world.

I always love to answer common questions I’ve seen materialize around the veg* blog world.

The most pertinent question on veg* dating sites is, of course, the one of matching diets.

As in: Should a vegan date a vegetarian, and vice versa?

There’s alot of gray area in this.

First, as a vegan, it depends how non-grossed out you are by having dairy in the house (and seeing him munch down on it, claiming that he “just can’t get away from cheese”).  I, personally, would only deal with this if my significant other had pledged to work toward veganism.

Here, then, is the other gray area: Look for a man who WANTS to go vegan if having dairy around is going to be a problem for you. This is a great measure of his commitment to other things in life.  Even if this is a gradual process, once pledged it can be a powerful salve to a once-hesitant bond.

One more tip: Make sure your vegetarian guy is tolerant of your diet choices, and vice versa.

If a guy starts criticizing your ‘extreme’ views, forget it–with that ”I’m always right’ attitude, it’s only

going to be next to impossible to change it. Similarly, if you think berating his use of dairy will lead him down the path of vegan enlightenment (warning signs of such behavior include waving your copy of Skinny Bitch in his face), then we need to talk.

How you deal with your mate’s diet is up to you.  If you can’t respect each other’s food choices, well…

there are plenty of other (vegan) fish in the sea.  (Maybe even ones that will actually read and respect

Skinny Bitch.  In the meantime Rory and Kim need some vegan guy friends to pen the masculine version).

photo credit: law_keven

photo credit: Foxtongue

I met a guy online eight months ago and it’s been great, we’ve got loads in common and our sex life is great. When we were first getting to know each other over the net he admitted to me that he’s bisexual, however, I haven’t really considered it an issue since we’ve been having such a great time together. Last week he admmitted he’s been sleeping with a guy from his work and I feel devastated. He has always been honest with me but I don’t want to share him, especially with another man as to be honest it really turns my stomach.

Agony Auntie’s Reply…

There’s bisexuality and then there’s exclusivity. Is he just being greedy? Great, he enjoys sex with men and women. But he needs to go out with someone who agrees to an open relationship, or he should commit to you and just get himself some gay porn. If he’s not prepared to change, there’s only one thing you can do… call it a day. In my opinion, he will probably end up being more gay than bi. On the whole, it’s usually a case of ‘bi now, gay later’. As the thought of him being gay seriously disgusts you, I suggest you finish with him and find a fully-straight guy you can be passionate with. There are millions more where he came from on the internet.

I’m a woman of adventure.

I thrive on traveling to new locales pulsing with activity, meeting cultured people and learning new activities and pastimes.

In short, I like my life–and my men–fast-paced. This also includes the medium of communication, mind you.

Recently several guys who cite themselves as ‘adventurous’, love to travel, etc. haven’t exactly been falling into the ‘fast-paced’ email category.

These are men who claim that they’re in search of an ambitious equal, someone to accompanythem on their faraway quests.

So, if said ambitious equal contacts you with obvious interest..?

Ah, here again we arrive at the fickle nature of men. As women, we must remember that men

DO NOT use logic when concocting their ‘perfect girl’ descriptions. They are extremely idealistic, and what makes sense in their head one day (or someplace else, which doesn’t require any sense) utterly transforms the next. So, I have a really hard time believing these guys who have pictures of their buff, tanned selves on faraway beaches, or scuba-diving, mountain climbing, you name it. If you’re that adventurous outdoors, you’d better have that same gusto when shooting your next hot date an email. Just a consideration.

By this logic, clearly I’d have better luck with an agoraphobic homebody.

photo credit: normalityrelief

GreenFriends.com

A question I wonder about more and more is whether or not first date sex really makes a terrible impression on the guy? I’ve found that I’ve gone on a number of first dates that have involved lots of alcohol which very often ends between the sheets. If I’m sleeping with a guy before I get to know him properly am I ruining my chances of a ‘happily-ever-after’ love affair? Sometimes I do feel used afterwards, even if the sex has been filled with passion and desire and although some have led on to short term relationships and not just one-night-stands, I still wonder if it’s a turn-off.

Agony-Aunt Replies:

All relationships have to start somewhere and if sex on a first date really precluded the possibility of a proper relationship then there would be far fewer marriages in this world. If you meet a guy you ticks all the right boxes, delaying intimacy is nothing more than calculated masochism. At the end of the day you are admitting to one another that you find each other attractive so one box has been ticked & although it may bring lots of other ‘worries & questions’ at least you can rest assured that your attraction has not been a problem.

While there is a lot to be said for building up the level of anticipation by waiting a while, physical intimacy and getting to know someone are not mutually exclusive. Pillow talk or an hour on MSN is often more revealing than banter exchanged over dinner and let’s face it, if you are going to have a relationship with a guy; you need to know that you are physically as well as mentally compatible. Forget this ‘no sex before marriage’ malarkey!

If you were male you would not worry about indulging your urges, but double standards mean that women who don’t want to be branded ‘easy’ feel they have to tip-toe through several dates before they give it up. This is the 21st century for goodness sake! The old adage that a man who ‘really respects you’ will wait is a load of old baloney. While a couple who get together in their pension drawing days may happily wait to get to know each other better, most testosterone fuelled 27-year-olds would not.

Try to keep things in perspective. You don’t feel lonely because you have had one-night stands - you feel lonely because you have not found your soul mate yet.

Don’t become fixed on looking for Mr. Right. As long as you stay relatively sober & safe (over 50% of women on a first date don’t use a condom) you can go about finding the right relationship for you in any way you damn well want.

Internet Dating is a fantastic way to do it because by the time you reach the official ‘First Date’ you already know each other pretty well through your various means of communication so if you do end up in bed together you have less to feel guilty about.

photo credit: tanakawho

A Perfect Vegan World

Some women think that once they’re online, that swarm of electrons somehow makes men behave, well, normally. Suddenly, these women fantasize, the men of their dreams will come waltzing into their lives, having good manners, the ability to listen, and, of course, their libido in check.

This is one bubble that in all seriousness I’m actually sad to burst.

No matter where you are looking, men DON’T listen, they WILL be rude, and they WILL be pigs. That said, I shouldn’t have been surprised when a few elderly fellows had apparently taken some time out their [raquetball games/bingo tourneys] to contact me on Green Singles. These 50-60 year-old gentlemen had apparently missed, or had just completely disregarded, the slightly important age requirement on my profile: max of 30.

(Guys, you know, typically take a decade to get their college-induced ya-yas out).

30 is supposed to be the age at which all men settle down, start thinking seriously, and ultimately get over themselves.

Now, this bubble I have no problem bursting.

30 for me guarantees oodles more maturity than a 20-something (my age). However, newsflash for all you ladies in la-la-land: men may mellow out some at 30, but don’t expect them to suddenly relinquish their beloved typical-male behavior. And especially not through the smokescreen of cyberspace.

Ah, how we yearn for a perfect world of perfect men….one where maturity reigns supreme…and the elderly aren’t senile.

At least, not completely. I’m not setting my standards too high there, am I?

photo credit: FarAndFurther.com

Mr. Yoga Instructor maintains that he’s had training in Bikram yoga, which is a form of ‘hot’ yoga (I know what you’re thinking.  But sadly, you’re wrong).  Basically this is like yoga in a sauna.  The theory is that because the body sweats more, it rids itself of toxins more quickly and effectively.  He’s also a surfer. I’ll admit it–this is some stuff I’ll never do. I don’t do well in heat, and…not really well in water, either.  However, the men I’ve seen that are into these ‘extreme’ (or ‘high-risk’ to avoid buzzwords) pastimes  inevitably assume that their ‘perfect’ girl will possess the same pastimes as well.

Ladies: Does it matter if your guy likes the same activities or not?

As women, we always want to provide the best for our guy.  This means accommodating said guy.  From what I understand here, these men think they don’t have to accommodate anyone that doesn’t match their personal preference 98-100%.

We’ll see just how ‘extreme’ they turn out to be when a perfectly good woman decides she wants out of the kitchen.

I’ve found myself exhilarated at the prospects of two great, lovely guys willing to talk.  Both in British Columbia, one is a yoga instructor and the other a floor installer (although supposedly this pays well).

The diversity of professions in my browsings begs the personal question: How much should a girl care about how a guy earns his dollars?

I’ll admit it, I’m not a fan of doctors or lawyers; unlike some wives, I do actually want to see my husband from time to time. That said, I’ve always been a sucker for health-involved positions: nutritionist, yoga instructor, veg* chef.  Really I could care less about WHAT a guy does, given he earns a decent living, than WHY he does it.

Passion over fashion, ladies.

Isn’t that why we’re vegan in the first place?

photo credit: nickolette22

As I demurely surf through hundreds of potential Mr. Vegans, I have to wonder exactly why it is that men and repeated correspondence cannot coexist.

I’ve signed up as a Gold Member on VeggieConnection.com, which means I’m able to contact anyone on the site for free–steal;) but what baffles me (actually, what shouldn’t surprise me in the least) is why most of the men I’ve contacted so far have failed to return my extensive efforts.  Which offers the answer to a musing that has lurked since the advent of Internet dating sites: these sites HAVE to charge since they can’t guarantee that people will or will not respond.

Regardless of the return, money has to be made off of those of us who are unlucky in real life.

Virtual reality may not prove so lucky, either.